So I'm sure ive told some of you at one point or another that I am beginning to write a story, whether it is a novel or a short story has yet to be seen by lenght, but I am aiming for novel. Names of the characters are subject to change, these in the below section are inspired by conversations with my Sara(h)'s.
this is just one of a few scenes i have thought out with dialogue and a tiny bit of plot. all you need to know is it takes place in a faux maimi, where things are not nearly as boring as ox.
so feel free to rip apart or say, hey that sounds not awful:P much luvs
“What were you thinking? Did you not put your head on before your balls this morning?” Martín growled at Maximilian.
Max looked at Martín with earnest eyes, “I had to, and you did too, did you not see her, she’s like a wisp of air; she’d never survive. I’m amazed she survived the predators at the party. Did you see the way they were looking at her, like she was something to be pillaged or conquered?” his eyes getting desperate at this point. “She’s not an easy lay or fresh meat.” he added firmly.
Then thinking for a quick moment he hinted “And, I saw you looking at her friend,” he finished with sly look. Martín scoffed.
“They’re freshman, we are supposed to look at them like that.” He bit back a laugh.
Max glowered at him, much liking the idea of giving him a few more good cuts to join the bleeding trickles in Martín’s shoulder. After a few seconds Martín sighed “Yes, I saw her at the party, I saw you staring at her like there was no tomorrow. And her friend wasn’t that hot.”
“Wasn’t she? Did you or did you not offer her twice to get a fresh beer?” Now Max was incredulous, almost having to hold back a giggle, the first since he saw the black haired girl in the crowded room of the party.
Martín was flustered for a second, “That’s not the point, you should not have interfered with them, we should not have gotten in the way, and I …” he said with a sort of malice, “should definitely not be fucking bleeding! You owe me a new shirt.”
“Oh shut up, think of it as battle scars, and think of all the ass you’ll get if you tell chicks it’s from a rock slide or something else wicked.”
“They won’t believe that, even if I told them the truth.” Martín dusted off his jeans, then considering the street lamp for a moment and then said “They might have seen us, really seen us, you might not be able to protect her every move, she might not want you nearby.” he finished coolly. He looked at Max. His hazel eyes seemed to already drooping in the knowledge of this fact.
i followed sara's example and posted small, so you might actually read some.
> Enter text here. > Enter text here.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
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3 comments:
The guys seem to stereotypical to me. Are they vampires/werewolves going to school at the university?
I don't know if it was your intent, but I like the mystery surrounding the "predators" and the girl, and also the exact way in which Max interferes and what the repercussions will be. It's like dramatic irony, but reversed, since the characters know the danger, but the reader doesn't. Is there a word for that?
Also, my Word Verification word is: wagies.
wagies indeed:P
all i got for boys is stereotypical. but thanks for the thoughts- it makes me feel love!
It's intriguing--why can't they be seen? Why is the one guy bleeding?
Also, posting things in tiny font just makes me increase the font size in the browser. So...suck on that?
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