Its all in the Titles

So i was looking at the tv today,on the second channel of abc, ( the weather / news update thing). its cold and rainy looking outside, but the radar showed nothing. This did not grab my attention. Two "breaking" stories on the bottom of the screen did however.
Arrest made in Rage against the Vending Machine. Pretty weak joke if you ask me, and also
Tree grows in Man's Lung
something tells me that this is more important than vandalism at a vending machine, hmm wait, its Russia.
Also, little fish was found dead this morning. I never got a chance to get him some medicine, nor a name.